My life has been a series of bashings from the media. It’s not that being attacked has made me stronger, but it’s become like water off a duck’s back. It’s just that I’ve become able to realize that it doesn’t matter. Around my late 30s, I started to think, “Well, reporters have to make a living…” and “I feel sorry for the people who have no choice but to make money by writing this nonsense,” about bashing and stupid articles.
What I found strange about Japan when I was observing it during my hiatus was that in that year or two, a truly excessive number of celebrities were attacked. Things like Kagawa Teruyuki took someone’s bra in a club in Ginza. I could maybe bring myself to understand if they were exposing something that happened a week or two ago, but it’s something that happened several years ago and the people involved have already talked it over and moved on. Why are they talking about it now? It just didn’t feel right that despite that, Kagawa himself came out and apologized. “Who is he apologizing to? What is wrong with this country?” If we’re going to say those things, then there are a ton of people who have committed some minor mistake in the past.
I’ve been thinking recently that even though many of the people of Japan were saying, “Bullying is wrong,” during the pandemic, our society has completely become one in which adults bully other adults. They say, “You shouldn’t bully the weak,” but I can’t comprehend this trend that says it’s okay to attack people who are producing results to the point where they are famous. Are they seriously thinking, “We’re the forces of justice!” for pulling Kagawa down from his position doing commercial and television work? Watching from overseas, it seems a peculiar aspect of Japanese people has become clear. Recently, there have been flamewars over things like the handwriting being messy on a YouTuber’s marriage announcement message and it’s so stupid I can’t bear to look at it. They search for a point to attack, like, “The handwriting is messy!” and negate and criticize it. To start with, whether someone’s handwriting is neat or not is a personal trait. But I think those who are searching for fault without saying a word of congratulations need to fix the ugliness of their heart before they point out the messiness of someone’s handwriting.
Aesthetics
If you’re going to pour your attention on stupid things like that, then you should seriously think about Ukraine and Russia where many more people are dying. There are lots of better things in the world to do, such as helping those who are suffering from disasters. Are we going to continue being reduced to a pitiful folk who pour all their attention into finding targets to attack, cornering them, and dragging them down? The act of attacking people who have been categorized by a certain attribute is nothing but a lowlife hate crime. I can’t help but feel repulsed at the fact that there are many people who feel a kind of euphoria and energy from attacking others, who are unable to quit hating, in a way that could be called a hate addiction, like drug addicts, alcoholics and people with tendencies toward domestic violence.
What I think of as something I like about Japan, something that is wonderful, it’s that we lived with a sense of aesthetics. Japanese people were a people who overwhelmingly valued aesthetics compared to other cultures. I wonder where those aesthetics went? When I tell my foreign friends about the incident with Kagawa, they all say, “Is that the main topic in Japan now?” “Don’t they have anything else to do?” It’s such a shame.
In this state of affairs in which a dollar will be worth 200 yen in the near future, in which Japanese people have to seriously think more about the problems facing the Japanese economy, I really have to wonder if this country is okay when someone taking someone’s bra in a club becomes the center of conversation. I have to wonder, “Does this incident have any effect on your life? Aren’t there lots of other things you should be thinking about?” How empty-headed have Japanese people become? How much are they still sitting on their laurels in this situation of crisis, or have they given up entirely?
At present, if you’re Japanese, then no matter what country overseas you go to and shop and eat out, you’re probably thinking, “It’s so expensive!” It’s just that you don’t notice it because you’re in Japan, and if you look at it from the rest of the world with high prices, then it’s unmistakable that we’re already one of the poor countries. Monthly salaries in Japan have barely changed in the last 30 years. They’re at least twice as much in other countries. Do people not understand how dangerous a thing this is?
This happened a little while ago, but I happened to see something written about me. It was written in a question and answer format.
“Why isn’t GACKT married at his age even though he’s good looking? Is he not popular with women?”
“If you’re not married by 50 even though you have money, then it must be because you’re a loser.”
There are too many pitiful people on the Internet who can only feel good about themselves through such topics. I guess the person who wrote that is married, good for them. When I saw that post, I thought, “Well, naturally people would resent a loser who’s as cool as I am…” and didn’t get mad over every little thing. Lions don’t get mad at the chirping of insects.
I Don’t Yell
When I was young I was unable to control my emotions and it was terrible. I lost my temper all over the place. I went on rampages. Now I don’t get angry. Or rather, it’s correct to say that I don’t raise my voice and yell or anything like that anymore.
Of course, the emotion of anger toward the state of the world and toward people doesn’t ever vanish. But the anger no longer leads me to directly connect with it and attack the other person. While I do get irritated with losses that occur due to the mistakes of others, I can hardly believe how I used to go “Aargh!” and get violent. Until I turned 40, I was like an uncaged lion. When I turned 40, there was a certain turning point for me that made me swear to myself, “For the rest of my life, I won’t yell at others, or raise my voice.”
That turning point was a woman who I dated. I fell in love with her at first sight. And when I got to know her, I was even more surprised that someone so fun and wonderful existed. I felt happiness from the bottom of my heart. I was always laughing at the things she said.
This happened one day. A small thing ended up with her getting emotional, and I suggested, “Stop it, you’re emotional right now. Let’s talk when you’re calm,” but she didn’t cool down. In the end we both got heated and finally we were both yelling at each other. It wasn’t cooling off at all so in the middle of it, I left and went to a cafe, and spent the whole day wondering what had happened and trying to calm down. An emotionally heated argument was an act that only hurt both of us, even though we loved each other. There are some people who say fights are communication, but I refused that. There are lots of other ways to communicate. It’s an enormous failure of understanding to romanticize hurting each other by calling it communication.
In the cafe, I came to a conclusion. “Today is the last time in my life that I’ll get emotional and raise my voice and yell at someone.” When I went home, I apologized, sat down and told her I wanted her to listen. “I’ve decided that I won’t become emotional and yell for the rest of my life. So even if you get emotional, I won’t yell at all. When it happens, I’ll always say, ‘Stop it, let’s talk when we’re calm.’ And if there are three situations when you don’t cool down despite that, then let’s break up.”
I really hate quarreling to begin with. When it’s with a guy, I much prefer to have a fistfight. It not only has a clear ending, but when you punch each other, it hurts. And it wears you out. Because of that, it always ends. Of course, I can’t have a fistfight with a woman. If the other person is female then it becomes an exchange of words only, and verbal quarrels never come to an end. It’s like cutting into each other’s skin with a 0.1mm blade. It doesn’t bleed much but the wounds remain. Later, when you look back at those wounds, you remember that time. And it takes a long time for the wounds to disappear. I don’t need such a foolish act in my life.
We’ll Both Become Unhappy
I really loved her. That’s why I came to the conclusion that it was pointless to fight and argue in an emotional way like that over and over again with someone I loved. She accepted my suggestion. She said she didn’t want to fight any more either.
“If you tell me something calmly, then I’ll do my best to fix things that I can fix. But when we get emotional, we say things that we shouldn’t have said. Our feelings of love for each other should be the most important thing, so let’s both stop doing things that damage that love. So from now on, if we get heated and it doesn’t stop three times, let’s break up. Because it means we’re not right for each other.”
Perhaps there are people in the world who can forgive quarrels, and people who enjoy them. Unfortunately, I’m not one of them. So it’s better to decide to find someone like that. No matter how much I love the person I’m with.
In the end, the day that we parted arrived half a year later. It got heated and didn’t stop. I decided that if we were together any longer, then we’d both become unhappy. I always loved her. It took a long time before I was able to sort through my feelings.
I felt regret toward my own pettiness and inflexibility. There was a long period of self-reflection over how many things it was that I lacked.
When we parted was in the middle of rehearsals for the play “MOON SAGA Secrets of Yoshitsune II”. I was doing the performance, the lead role, the script and the music all on my own and had no breathing room or time for my heart. And on top of that, what happened with her weighed heavily on me. I was in tatters mentally.
You Can’t Have Both At Once
If I had more breathing room, I might have been able to face it differently. It’s a fact that when people don’t have breathing room, their tolerance becomes extremely limited. There are definitely times in life when you have to try hard. If you pursue too many things in parallel, it won’t go well. You can’t get two important things at once. I still think this, I’ve always felt that if you exclude that “unfortunate time we got heated,” then I would have been with her.
I don’t have the urge to get married, but it’s not that I’m opposed to marriage. If I’d needed to, then I probably would have. I still occasionally discuss things with her on the phone. Her presence was significant.
I’m still grateful from the bottom of my heart that I met her. Until then I was someone who lost my temper easily and often ended up in big trouble from getting violent. She’s the one who gave me an opportunity to change. I sincerely want her to be happy.
The Reason I Revealed My Age In 2009
I’m 50 years old now. I made my age public in 2009 in the announcement of the stage show that I was starring in, “Nemuri Kyoshiro Burahikae”. The question of whether to reveal my age or not was never a big problem. I just thought it seemed right to say it at that time. My fans hadn’t known it either the whole time.
My producer at the time suggested, “How about revealing your age?” I said, “Okay,” and the conversation moved on. It wasn’t that I particularly wanted to hide it. There were probably a lot of people around me who thought, “What, he was younger than me all along!? But he was always acting like he was in charge!”
There was only one reason that I concealed my age. When I was 20, I came to Tokyo and began performing in a band. Everyone around me was older than me and my sempai.1 If I said how old I was, then I’d immediately be treated as a kouhai and used like a slave. In those days, sempai-kouhai relationships were decided for you based on age alone. People would come at me with more attitude than necessary just because they were older. I didn’t say a word about my age to anyone other than my bandmates. I randomly said I was 448 or something. Someone would say, “You’re sure as shit younger than me, I’m gonna beat your ass cause of that attitude!” and I’d reply, “Let’s fucking go!” Stupid exchanges like that were a daily occurrence.
On the 4th of July, my birthday, I’d always have a show or birthday event, and when all of that ended and I was worn out, I’d have my private party. 300 to 400 people would gather and I’d have a ton of alcohol ready. It was wine at first, but it’s been tequila for the last 13 years. If there were 400 people, and I spoke to everyone there for one minute, it would take 400 minutes, or about seven hours. It was tough to keep drinking wine for all that time.
Because of that, I completely changed the purpose of the gathering to a “Tequila Survival Challenge Party” which everyone has to participate in. Only those who are always prepared, only those who can drink are invited. I make them sign a contract when they enter. “Whatever happens here, I am attending at my own risk.” When the birthday party starts, I greet everyone, “Thanks for coming, motherfuckers!” 2 I announce it like it’s a pro wrestling match. When the party starts, first I drink 10 shots of tequila, then my friends all come on stage in groups and drink 10 shots of tequila each, and this continues in an eternal rotation.
I have to drink with them at odd intervals. Honestly, it’s super tough. As time passes, my friends drop like flies. Only about 30 survive till the end. And then I hug my surviving friends and go home.
It’s hell when I get home. I’m high as a kite and can’t sleep. In the morning, I start sending all of them messages, but of course no one replies. In the afternoon the replies start to trickle in, “Are you okay?” I send back, “I’ve been typing messages all morning. It’s sad being all alone on my birthday.”
At times like this, the thought, “Maybe this is what the battlefield is like,” comes to mind. They say that people who survive and come home from the battlefield go back there. They’re psychologically unable to accept everyday life and have a lingering feeling of emptiness. People who attended say they don’t want to drink any more. It’s not that I want to drink either. But I understand the feeling of returning home after being in an extreme situation. Perhaps people will call me weird for thinking that. But when I went on hiatus due to my health issues, my alcohol tolerance became extremely low. I wasn’t able to drink five or six bottles of tequila on my own like before. At my most recent birthday party, I was already drunk on the third bottle. It’s better to be a lightweight. Those who announce from the start that they’re lightweights and feel good after a moderate amount of drinking are the healthy ones. If you have a tequila party like mine in this day and age, people will just say it’s a recklessly dangerous party. But the fact of the matter is that many of my friends say they look forward to it as the most fun event of the year. Even if it’s hard for them.
My Remaining Years
Now I’m 50, these are my remaining years. I’ve decided that I want to perform worldwide as soon as possible. I love the unique atmosphere and excitement of performing in live houses.3 I can’t get enough of the closeness and indescribable excitement. My favorite concept out of the ones I’ve performed in live houses so far was YFC (YELLOW FRIED CHICKENz). I still don’t know if I’ll do the same thing as YFC again, but I feel that I want to keep doing that kind of thing around the world for as long as I can keep doing intense shows. Because there are fans around the world waiting for me. I feel that I need to fulfill my promise to them.
It’s the same for Europe, Asia and South America. What’s more important than whether it goes well or not is being able to say, “I kept my promise.” It doesn’t have to be profitable. I want to convey my feelings to the fans who have waited all over the world. “Thank you for waiting all this time.”
If traveling around the world performing in live houses becomes my life’s work, then I have one more thing to look forward to in the rest of my life. These days, I return to Japan about once every two months and stay for seven to ten days. I spend the rest of my time in Malaysia. Remote work is sufficient for most of the work I can do. But I still have a very strong feeling that, “I want to convey my music and concerts more thoroughly for as long as I’m able to.” It was certainly strong during my period of convalescence while I was on hiatus. I’m going to act with the intention of bringing everything to a finale in the next three to four years. 4 Because no one can know when my body will stop working or become unable to do it. I don’t know when I’ll die either. We live in a world where people who think they’re healthy can still drop dead. I wonder if the people who feel they have plenty of time left are oblivious or if they’re really amazing people.
On Being A Star
I have no interest in major league baseball, but I am interested in the fact that it’s a place where Japanese people can get out and be active more. Because that can become a big dream for children. I believe that it’s more important than anything else to become the object of dreams, and also one’s duty and mission as an adult.
The number one reason that I fundamentally don’t like Japanese musicians is that too many of them, even the ones who sell well, are the kind of influential figures who don’t give people dreams. It’s because I always wonder why they don’t more openly give off an appearance of, “It’s great to be a musician!” There’s lots of reasons one might give, but in the end, it’s because you get attacked for showing off too much. A lot of grown-ups are scared of that. That’s the tail wagging the dog. If they understood how dangerous it is for there to be no more people aiming to become a musician, they would be more able to convey an image of, “It’s great to be a musician!” In the end, their self-defense becomes a factor in the shrinking of the market. Of course, I understand they have their reasons, but musicians who succeeded to the extent that they did have a responsibility. Well, maybe it’s my mistake for expecting that from musicians. Perhaps that’s what makes them musicians.
There are a small number of Japanese people trying their hand overseas, but actually trying your hand overseas is tougher than you imagine. There will be many problems in your environment— communication, language, food— and you won’t have any friends there. Competing overseas means you have to start everything, including creating an environment from scratch. But in doing that, you can create more opportunities for Japanese people to emerge internationally, and give people courage and dreams. When you think about it that way, Ichiro and Ohtani are wonderful people. 5 Of course they have made their mark, but more than anything they are showing children a dream in the form of taking the challenge of new possibilities.
The Tragedy Of Being Too Late To Act
The one thing that I regretted in my 40s was that I was late deciding to separate from my former agency. That’s the only thing. Even though a conclusion had been reached, there were many things that I lost and that got messed up in that half a year I spent waiting, halted by people around me. What I became painfully aware of at that time was that “Being too late to act = potential tragedy.”
It’s my destiny in life to keep pushing people forward.6 After the trouble with my agency, I thought about quitting being a singer. Because of my recent illness, I now strongly feel, “What I must do is keep giving as many people as possible a push forward for as long as my voice lasts.” That was my motivation for coming to Tokyo in the first place. My friend said it to me too. “Even if I manage to give one or two, a countable number of people a push forward, I can’t give a push to thousands or tens of thousands of people. You can do that, GACKT. It means you’ve been chosen. You can’t turn away from something you’ve been chosen for. Do your duty.” I came to feel that, if there are still people I can save, if there are still people I can push, then I’ll keep trying to do it as long as I can.
When I interact with children, I always feel that they’re overflowing with unlimited talents. I feel that I want to widen those talents, dreams and possibilities to the extent that I can. Japan looks like a land of opportunity, but it isn’t blessed with an environment that nurtures people’s hearts at all. For some time, I’ve been working to support street children in countries overseas, but there’s a limit to what I can do on my own. I stopped making it public when I supported people or saying, “I’m engaged in this kind of activity.” In the past, I thought that if I made it public then I might be able to spread awareness to even one more person, even a little, but in the end, those who are able to change will change on their own even if I don’t do that. The majority of people consider it a publicity stunt and shun it. My recognition rate is 97%. Most of the country knows who I am. If I’m going to be the subject of weird envy and misunderstanding despite the fact that I have no need to self-promote by this point, then there’s no need to go out of my way to talk about it. It’s fine for me to just keep giving different kinds of support the way I want to and to the extent that I can.
Scatter My Ashes
I’ve told my older sister what to do when I die. I’ve been saying this for a long time. “Scatter my ashes in the sea off Okinawa.” I don’t need a grave or anything. My thoughts on this have never changed. I don’t feel as though I want people to visit my grave. It’s enough for me if they just look toward the sea and clasp their hands. I thought that when purchasing a grave for a relative and dealing with all the red tape. “I don’t want to be in here (a grave).”
Every year, I go back to Okinawa to clean my family’s tombs. That’s become my duty, and I take at least 20 to 30 staff along with me to clean the tombs. I’ve been helping with the cleaning since my mid-20’s, but everyone else in my family has gotten old and there’s no one to help anymore. Okinawan munchuupaka (tombs) are large in the first place. Ours is in the mountains, and since it was quite old, we rebuilt it at a smaller scale, but it’s still about the size of this studio (that the photoshoot was conducted in).
It used to be extraordinarily large. The first time I remember seeing it was when I was five years old. It was rather tough just getting there— we drove into the sugar cane fields, took a path through them, and walked through the mountains. The big tomb was overgrown with moss and grass, and we had to clean all the dirt off as well. We tried to go at a time of year when the habu (pit vipers) wouldn’t come out. There wasn’t only a tomb, there was an altar as well. But the tomb and the altar were in different parts of Okinawa. My ancestors originated in the southern part of Okinawa, so that’s where the tomb is, but my great grandfather established a town in the north of Okinawa so the altar is in a difficult-to-access part of the north. It’s impossible to clean both the tomb and the altar in one day. At first, we cleaned it in a group of six, but we couldn’t finish in a day, and it ended up taking three days to clean the tomb.
I don’t want to make the next generations do that kind of thing either. It’s a real pain if people have to manage things every year after you’re dead. They’d probably resent it. It’s fine to scatter my ashes. I’m happy if people just come to look at the ocean and think, “Here he is.” It won’t cause any bother if people eventually stop coming.
I love Okinawa. And so an equal amount of sorrow wells up inside me at the rapid disappearance of Okinawan culture. Until about 40 years ago, there was a lot of unique culture and architecture. There were landscapes, an atmosphere, a flowing of time that definitely only existed in Okinawa, and those towns and villages used to be all over Okinawa. But in the last 40 years of urban development, it’s become exactly like mainland Japan. I can’t stop thinking about what the hell they’re going to do after making it just like the naichi,7 even though tourism is the only resource that Okinawa has. It’s such a shame. The villages that are Okinawan in character have rapidly vanished, leaving only the heritage sites and icons that are easy to understand. Why don’t they realize how much they’ve destroyed Okinawa? Those streets where you could feel Okinawa just by walking through the town are mostly gone now. It’s exactly the same as the mainland all over now. By modernizing, it’s become just another part of Japan, no different from every other prefecture. I’m aware that this isn’t limited to Okinawa, but a problem that every prefecture has. Even though those were streets we should have protected, even though we should have carefully preserved their unique atmosphere, it’s all been swallowed up by the wave of modernity and become the same everywhere.
Why don’t prefectures each preserve their own unique aspects or independently try to protect their own streets? There are many people who think that tourism will fall through if there are no sightseeing spots, but if, rather than deliberately build sightseeing spots, the towns as a whole had continued to preserve the atmosphere of the good old days that underpins tourism, then tourism would be well-established. I wonder why they keep getting rid of things that have value? Each time I go home, the ongoing destruction of Okinawa pains me.
It’s not that development grows a city. Urban development is not the destruction of old things. If you go to Portugal, Spain, France, or Italy, the streets remain as they were long ago. They’ve established laws to say that the sights of the city must not be destroyed. Why does Japan try to destroy old things? Why do they immediately try to build new things? There are a too many locals who think that going to the beach is sightseeing. Modernization means that the city seems new for that instant, but ten years later, it’s just old and outdated. That’s the price of modernization. A lot of people are probably already experiencing it.
Development has also begun with blinding speed on Ishigaki Island and Miyako Island. I’m not going to say don’t develop it. But if you don’t protect the town, then the things that are lost will never come back. We should repair the things that have aged because they were protected, and stop destroying them to build new things. How do we make the buildings that have become old easy to live in? Why can’t we just change the inside and leave the outside as is? If we have laws like that to protect the sights of the towns, then just walking along the old streets can become a basis for tourism. We should learn from Europe’s example. Those streets have already vanished from all but a tiny fraction of Japan. I dearly hope that Japan won’t lose any more of its precious things.
Exercise Book
When I was young, I wrote in something called an exercise book. I filled it up with notes. It was a notebook for everything that I wanted to do. I’ve achieved about half of it. There are lots of things I haven’t managed to get my hands on, but there has also been an increasing number of which I thought, “I don’t need this.” Like a private jet and stuff. There was a time when I did some looking into it, but the model of plane I want can’t be purchased in Japan. The maintenance fees each year are around 5% of the purchase price. But there’s nowhere in Japan to store large aircraft either. Though if I lived somewhere like the US with lots of land, then I could probably build a runway on my own property or something. I’ve been to all the countries I needed to go to, done a full circuit and now I’m here. I question if I need one now. In that way, I sometimes look at my notebook and then think, “I still haven’t done this…” and calculate how much time I need for the things I should do.
You should make an exercise book like this at least once. It’s the same thing as in the anime “Zom 100: Bucket List Of The Dead” where they write 100 things they want to do and do them one by one. There’s meaning in just writing down the things you want to do and try and have. If, when you’ve finished writing them down, you set a deadline for each event, then when you finish all of them you’ll clearly be able to see how many years it will take. You’ll realize that life is far shorter than you think. If you’re reading this and you’ve never tried it, give it a go.
Sensory Compression
I’ve been asked what my ideal end-of-life is, but I think about it in simple terms. Firstly, I don’t need a funeral. Though it seems they’re going to have one even if I tell them not to. I just want people to send me off with a laugh and a, “He lived an interesting life.” If people laugh and drink till dawn, that’ll be great. It’s more appropriate to call it a farewell party. Maybe everyone should have one last tequila party. Make it a final event where my friends and fans get together. That will do. That would be the most fitting for GACKT. The idea of my friends coming to cry, and people reading sutras is a big no thank you. I don’t want anyone to look sad. I’m not wishing for that at all. If you keep the tequila party going for a full week, everyone will be sick of it by the end and go back to their own life. Saying, “I never want to drink again!”
This is just a feeling I have, but I’m probably just going to drop dead at some point. I have a feeling I’ll die in my sleep. Or perhaps in an accident. Cause I’m still doing a lot of unreasonable things even now. I think when it happens, it happens, and I don’t have an ideal way to die or anything like that.
But if I can have one wish come true, I’d like someone I really love to be by my side, and if she sends me off with a smile, then there’s nothing else I need. It’s enough for there to be someone present who I can say “Thanks,” to. When I was 40, I thought that would be my last romance, but perhaps realizing this wish will be tricky. If a person like that appears in the future, then you could really call that a miracle.
Those of you who already have an important person by your side should be conscious of the fact that it’s something so wonderful that it would be no overstatement to call it a miracle. That the person you love loves you back. And you should be grateful from the bottom of your heart for the happiness of being able to spend that time walking alongside them. If you start taking it for granted and lose sight of its importance, that’s because you’re lacking the ability to imagine the moment you lose them. If you tell the important person by your side, “Thank you,” reconfirm the joy of being together, and be grateful from the bottom of your heart that such a miracle occurred, then your life will truly become something wonderful.
Pain fades as you get older. Perhaps it’s that your range of feelings toward people become compressed. To make an analogy, it feels like you have a limiter on them. 8 Your excitement, anger, sadness and joy all get shrunk.
If you think of emotions as ripples in water, then when you’re young and something happens, it’s like a big rock fell into the water and big waves spread out forcefully from there, but when you get older, it’s like the liquid became denser and if you drop a rock into dense liquid, it doesn’t ripple much. It also feels like the movement of the liquid itself slows down.
Because of that, people lose their fear of dying. In the past, when I fell in love with someone, or was afraid of something, or was sad, then those feelings were big waves every time, and I felt that I would be overcome by the depth of my emotions every time something happened.
Now, even when someone extremely close to me passes away, the ripples of that emotion are slow and don’t spread far. In a way, you could say that I’ve gained the strength to accept it as reality. So it doesn’t hurt me. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I suppose my feelings are numbed.
What’s the big difference between when you’re young and when you’re older? It’s not the size of your ability to act or your motivation. It’s the difference in your ability to be emotionally moved. Older people should try harder to teach young people the importance of seeing many things and being moved by many things while your ability to be moved is still high. And also they mustn’t forget that it’s also important to keep hold of those feelings even as you grow older.
It’s important to speak your feelings out loud and confirm them. When you think something is awesome, you should say, “Awesome!” out loud. And you’ve got to direct your own performance of being excited. You make yourself excited by catching your voice with your own ears and sending that to your brain. If you don’t create the kind of situations and environment where you can get excited, then your life will rapidly become dull.
If the ripples of your emotions are becoming smaller to begin with, then you have no choice but to direct yourself to act passionately. Make yourself feel it. If you, who have read this book up to this point, also feel that, like me, the waves of your feelings and the ripples of your emotions have become smaller, it’s still too early to give up.
Even I am still working hard to constantly express my emotions out loud and make them reach my brain by behaving loudly and at times exaggeratedly, so that they don’t shrink. And that has had a great effect and enables me to still have fun at the age of 50.
In life, there are more painful and difficult things than fun things. But that’s not a bad thing. Even the things that were tough and painful, all of them in the end, will have turned to laughter when you look back in a few years. That means that they have the potential to become laughter. It all works out if you take action. I sincerely hope that your life can be overflowing with laughter, even a little bit.
At the very least, if you think that’s not currently the case, then you can start chasing after me now. Let’s walk forward together. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll make you smile. Let’s laugh together. Because we’re all going to disappear eventually. If, in the meantime, we can share moments of laughter together, then you should be able to feel that there was meaning in being born into this life.
“I’m glad I was born. I’m glad I met you.” If I can have you think that even a little, then it’s a small reward for all the things I’ve gone through. If I was able to bring meaning into your life even a little, in the same way that people I’ve met have affected my life, then I can say I’m glad to have played the role of GACKT, right?
Finally, I’m not good at wrapping things up in a formal manner, but it’s time for this book to come to an end. I’d be thrilled if any of it becomes a point of reference in your life.
By the way, this is my answer to the difficult question that I was asked by my editor, “What is GACKT’s life?” Hmm… it’s more difficult to answer than I thought.
It’d have to be something like:
GACKT’s life is “All a funny story when you look back on it.”
- Sempai and kouhai are often translated as “senior” and “junior” but this is a difficult concept to fully convey. Essentially a sempai is someone who joined an industry, workplace, group or scene before you did, and therefore takes on a role of authority/mentorship. Japanese people are frequently consciously aware of and verbally refer to these sempai-kouhai relationships even after the “junior” person has years or even decades of experience themselves. [⤴]
- Once again, what I have translated as curse words is an attempt to express the hostile/aggressive tone in Japanese, but the specific phrase here is 馬鹿野郎ども “stupid bastard” + insulting/disrespectful suffix. But essentially it conveys the same intent as something like “listen up, motherfuckers” in English. [⤴]
- A live house is a particular kind of venue for live music performance, generally a small club or bar with standing area only as opposed to a hall with seating. That said, standing venues such as Zepp where YFC performed in Japan are also considered “live houses” despite having a capacity in the thousands. [⤴]
- The word used for “conclusion” here (完結) is like the finale or wrapping up of a TV series. I believe his meaning is that he intends to deliver a satisfying conclusion to his present work in that time, but not that he intends to stop entirely once that point is reached (i.e. he may continue with other things or start something new). [⤴]
- Suzuki Ichiro and Ohtani Shohei are both Japanese baseball players who played in US Major League Baseball. [⤴]
- The word he uses is 天命 which means “fate” or a mission given to a person by heaven. [⤴]
- 内地 naichi is the Okinawan way of referring to mainland Japan. [⤴]
- In audio engineering, a limiter is a device that allows signals in a certain range through untouched, but modifies any signals that fall outside that range so they fit into it. [⤴]