Paranoid Doll


捕われた行き場のない心 動けなくなる
自分の感情キモチさえ見えない 目を背けてる
手のひらに包まれている蝶のように
飛びたくても飛べない翅はねが

「都合のいいように生きればいいよ」
「苦しいなんて言わせないから」

耳元で聞こえる誘惑

自由を求めては 辿り着けず
居場所のない現実に
思い通りにならない地図を眺めている
身体が切り裂かれ 痛みに消えていく
記憶も願いも
切なく色づき 左手に忘れられぬ傷
ボクハ パラノイア

繋がれた手足 隠された瞳の中に
思い出す あの面影は幻なのか

「全部捨ててしまえば楽になれるよ」
「痛みが快感に変わっていくよ」

手渡される 禁断の赤い実

自分らしさなんて わからなくて
過去に縛られ 繰り返す
時の過ちに気付かずに “あの実をください”
手に入れたいものを 掴めなくて
消えない傷を増やすだけ
気付いてしまった 見知らぬ世界に残された
ボクハ パラノイア

うなだれる首
聞こえない耳
叫べない喉
動けない足
これが現実か夢かわからない
でも君は確かに僕を見ていた

暗い闇の中で もがきながら
何度も自分を見つけてる
右手に残る赤い色 バラバラの蝶々
このまま眠らずに 歩き続ければ
いつかは辿り着ける?
行く手に 君の足跡が見える もう戻れない
ボクハパラノイア


torawareta ikiba no nai kokoro ugokenaku naru
jibun no kimochi(kanjou) sae mienai me wo somuketeru
te no hira ni tsutsumarete iru chou no you ni
tobitakute mo tobenai hane ga

“tsugou no ii you ni ikireba ii yo”
“kurushii nante iwasenai kara”

mimimoto de kikoeru yuuwaku

jiyuu wo motomete wa tadoritsukezu
ibasho no nai genjitsu ni
omoidoori ni naranai chizu wo nagamete iru
karada ga kirisakare itami ni kiete iku
kioku mo negai mo
setsunaku irozuki hidari te ni wasurarenu kizu
boku wa paranoia

tsunagareta teashi kakusareta hitomi no naka ni
omoidasu ano omokage wa maboroshi na no ka

“zenbu wo sutete shimaeba raku ni nareru yo”
“itami ga kaikan ni kawatte iku yo”

tewatasareru kindan no akai mi

jibunrashisa nante wakaranakute
kako ni shibarare kurikaesu
toki no ayamachi ni kizukazu ni “ano mi wo kudasai”
te ni iretai mono wo tsukamenakute
kienai kizu wo fuyasu dake
kizuite shimatta mishiranu sekai ni nokosareta
boku wa paranoia

unadareru kubi
kikoenai mimi
sakebenai nodo
ugokenai ashi
kore wa genjitsu ka yume ka wakaranai
demo kimi wa tashika ni boku wo mite ita

kurai yami no naka de mogaki nagara
nando mo jibun wo mitsuketeru
migi te ni nokoru akai iro barabara no chouchou
kono mama nemurazu ni aruki tsuzukereba
itsuka wa tadoritsukeru?
yukute ni kimi no ashiato ga mieru mou modorenai
boku wa paranoia


Captured, my heart has no place to go, and becomes frozen
I can’t even see my own feelings, I’m averting my eyes1
Like the butterfly enclosed in the palm of my hand
Even if I want to fly, I can’t, my wings-

“You should just live the easy way”
“Because I won’t let you say you’re suffering”

I hear temptation whisper in my ear

I search for freedom but can never reach it
In this reality that has no place for me
I’m staring at a map that won’t go the way I want
My body is torn apart and vanishes in pain
along with my memories and hopes
reddening painfully, the unforgettable wound on my left hand
I AM PARANOIA

My arms and legs are bound, inside of hidden eyes
I remember- is that visage an illusion?

“If you throw everything away you can be at ease”
“The pain will change into a pleasant feeling”

The forbidden red fruit is handed to me

I don’t know what it means to be myself
I’m bound up in the past repeating it
Not realizing the mistake from that time, I say, “Please give me that fruit”
I can’t take hold of the things I want to get
only gain more scars that never fade
I’ve realized it now, I’ve been left behind in an unfamilar world
I AM PARANOIA

My head is hung
My ears are deafened
My throat cannot scream
My feet cannot move
I don’t know if this is real or a dream
But I am sure that you were watching me

As I struggle in the pitch darkness
I’m finding myself over and over again
Remaining red in my right hand is a crushed butterfly
If I keep on walking like this, without sleeping
will I make it someday?
I see your footprints leading the way, I can no longer return
I AM PARANOIA

greyornament
  1. Written 感情 kanjou “emotions” sung 気持ち kimochi “feelings”. As kimochi can be either physical or emotional feelings, the kanji is probably there to specify.